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Author Topic: Fear of pregnancy stopping me from getting into a relationship  (Read 17 times)

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« on: February 09, 2018, 07:15:30 PM »

Hi Guys, I am a 31 y.o female, came from an abusive family, never been in a relationship because of my fear of getting pregnant/fear of abortion etc. Birth control never worked for any of the girls in my family. Both my cousin and sister had hysterectomies from the IUD in their early 20's, and my cousin almost committed suicide on the pill (yes she tried different ones). My sister also has been on different pills and has even spent up to months in the hospital or months straight up bleeding and we are very similar biologically. I was on birth control briefly in high school and I ended up getting very sick and gaining over 150 lbs within a couple of months… needless to say it was not good for me + I KNEW in my body something was very wrong.I got off of them + started to feel less depressed and healthier and my weight went down. My sister also accidentally also got pregnant even though she was on the pill and they had condoms, and when she miscarried she almost bled to death + was hospitalized. She still has PTSD from the trauma, which also affects her functioning at work. My other cousin also nearly died from an accidental pregnancy (ecotopic), on top of this my best friend had to have multiple kidney stone surgeries that were fairly severe due to her b.c. The whole thing is VERY traumatizing to me + I never even want to have children ever anyways due to the abuse I experienced growing up- NOR the risk of experiencing any sort of body/ptsd trauma as a result. I am super sensitive/fertile and cannot deal. I never want to have children or be that vulnerable biologically or emotionally or go through that. I tried to get my tubes tied by multiple doctors but they won't let me do it until I have already had one or two children. I can't seem to figure out a way around this. It really is preventing me from any sort of pleasure or relaxing. I tried requiring that my partners have vascetomies, /condoms at all times….you can guess that that didn't work + every man I have dated has left after I stated this as a request + shared my fear of pregnancy, and my desires around this. It literally is the BIGGEST fear of my life. I would rather be homeless, or stabbed than have to deal with an abortion/ an accidental pregnancy. But I LOVE mastrubating, I have orgasms easily etc. I just sort of instantly go cold if there is cum or a mans penis in near sight, it has really prevented me from ever getting close to a man, or getting constantly abandoned in my relationships.I am not sure what to do about it at this point. The fear is real because I just can tell I would attract that sort of medical terror into my life. I am 31 + I am obviously a virgin. At this point I feel like I won’t have sex until I am 60. Dry humping seems to be the only solution, but men hate it. My fear is legitimate, this shit happens regularly. sex is impossible without seriously tensing up and having some major anxiety and disconnection ,terror.Is there just no solution?

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